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30 May 2013 @ 12:35 am
After I came back from Fort Lauderdale, a week later to be precise, my cat (Manolo) fell ill and 10 days later he passed away.

It's been almost two months and God, I'm still so sad. I can't even think about it without crying :(

The fact that the internet is filled with cats in every form and shape doesn't help at all. I feel this emptiness inside that I can't get rid of, it's crazy. Fucking cats and their fucking short life. He was 14, and I know that's a lot for a cat, but I felt he was almost like a brother to me. And he left us so suddenly, he gave up so quickly, we tried everything, and he just gave up. I hate that. I hate that he gave up, we loved him so much. Shit. :'(

I wasn't prepared at all.

We took him to the emergency vet one night because we noticed he was drinking too much water, doing weird noises and most of all cold, he was really really cold. From that point, it took him ten fucking days to go. The vet diagnosed him with diabetes (he was obese). And his glucose levels were doing all kinds of crazy stuff, going up and down with every hour. He had to be hospitalized. The main thing here is that he just let go and gave up on eating, which was fundamental if he wanted to recover. This way his organs begun to shut down slowly and the fat took over them, his kidneys, the liver. On the morning of April 9th the vet called me and told me he was having problems breathing and that I should go right away because he didn't know how much time he was going to last. A few days after we decided that if this moment came we didn't want them to do any kind of CPR on him, because we realized that he just wanted to go. And even if they can't talk, he made sure we got that. So I went as soon as I could, but it was too late. I couldn't be there with him on that moment and I just hate myself for that. I called my mom, but she was at work on the other side of the city so it took her like an hour or so to get to the "hospital". I was with him for an hour and he was so peaceful. He had been hooked to IV's and even a nasogastric tube to feed him for the past 10 days, poor thing he just wanted to be free of those things, I guess he thought that was the way.

We buried him in the back yard of the house of a friend of my mom's who lives near the hospital. It's somewhat nice to know he's there.
The next night rained a lot, and I remember I felt the urge to go and (I know it's weird) dig him out to cover him from the rain. I couldn't believe what was happening, so I guess that was why I had that sudden urge. As if he knew it was raining over him... God.

To make things even worst, the next day my best friend's grandma passed away too. The shittiest two days in a row in a loooong time.


What are you looking at?Always in the middle.If I fits I sits.
:(Lomowith bf
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Current Location: Buenos Aires, Argentina
Current Mood: sadsad
sinkwritersinkwriter on May 30th, 2013 04:13 pm (UTC)
I am SO sorry about the loss of your beloved cat, and your friend's grandmother.

Sending comforting hugs your way!
sofi: BB looksgeezbones on May 30th, 2013 04:55 pm (UTC)
Thank you!

I've been talking about it to everyone around me for the past two months, and I realized that writing about it in here would give me a certain sense of closure. I need to let him go.

pinktealeaves: onlinepinktealeaves on May 30th, 2013 07:48 pm (UTC)
Mine passed away last August and I still can hear him walking sometimes, true fact.

It's sad, but you'll be fine eventually.

*lots of hugs*